i just had sex bonerless
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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