She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think I am morally bankrupt
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
