WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
