I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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