yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
