I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
