So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
