upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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