the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
