I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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