margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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