remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize