he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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