So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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