Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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