There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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