if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
