He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
