Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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