Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Watching her eat just hurts me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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