My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My dad just said "fuck circus"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
