She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
