i permit you to call me
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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