omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
