We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
