your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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