If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
