in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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