smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
