i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Found the puke drawer
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
