Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize