Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
