I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
