Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize