i just wanna soil my oats bro
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
