So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
