Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
