when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize