omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
