I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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