So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
As shirtless as possible
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
