3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
