sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
