the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Houston, we have a blender
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
