at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
