And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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