Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
