Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
