My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
