Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize