i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Less talking, more tequila
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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