the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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