Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
