We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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