Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
