dude i'm inner monologue high
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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