"it" just moved
...so i touched it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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