he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So many bounce houses so little time
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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