She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
