I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
