they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
