I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
