I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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