Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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