Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
